I NEED PASSION!

I need passion in my life! Real passion! A sense of purpose and motivation that makes life enjoyable. Life is so short. In God's eyes, the age of 35 is probably two seconds. I realized that I have been at the devout hand of other people in my life. Worried about what I would say and how I would explain my actions. Wanting to be perfect for that special someone and make him happy. Depressed about not being that size two and how the world spits you out if you are not in the next issue of vogue! Being taught by so many the laws of God, in opposition with the fact that he really loves you, has made me all too confused. Taking so much in of what the world wants me to be has completely drained my spirit.

Today, I decide that I will not let anyone define me anymore. I was scared that my family, friends, lover, and the world would be disappointed in who I am. However, it has gotten to the point where I can't hide who I am. I believe that who you are is your soul. That inner core of your body that gives your life purpose. You may have a smile on your face, but the soul is truly how you feel. Most people cant be honest with themselves about their inner most feelings. They fake how they feel and roll with the punches. Why get in the boxing ring if you don't have to? Why beat yourself up when the world will do it for you at the drop of a dime? 


As a young woman, trying to find out who you are hurts. It is painful. Unfortunately, most women don't offer each other support. Most of the time, women make it worse by beating up each others about their flaws. I have never heard a woman say to another woman, it's okay to be who you are and actually mean it. And a man, well that's another topic. Anyway, people say it is okay for you to be who you are, mistakes and all, but as soon as you are yourself, they say you have disappointed them.


Confidence is key. Love is the door knob. God is the door. God loves us all so much. Yet, he has a personal relationship with each one of us. The power of God has shown me his love. He has really showed me he loves me in one way or another, but why do I continue to let family, friends, a man, strangers, and media mold MY destiny? God has given me free will, so why should I let people control me? Why is it that people's opinion is the end all be all rather than the Lord's and your own? So before I do anything, if I have discussed it with my Lord and Savior, and asked him to help me gain wisdom and insight on a certain situation, then why do I need to take consideration of what YOU think is best for me? In fact, I have even lied to people so I can be what they want me to be. However, the one person that I have never lied to and can't lie to is God. How amazing! I come to realize that people, no matter who it is, will have a damn opinion 24/7. It will never stop. So if I cant make you happy despite trying to please you to the end of no return, then I will just make myself happy.


For all of you who are going through this life crisis or have gone through it, I wrote this for you. God loves you and now it's time to love yourself. Being who you want to be comes with a price, and the only person you have to sell yourself to is God. Bottom line. I have the strength to be who I am because I simply can't deal with who the world wants me to be any longer. If that makes me a bitch, diva, or a rebel, then so be it!


I do not own the rights to the above photo. Photo from www.tiatordos.net/625

LOVE KILLED AMY WINEHOUSE

This is not a biography of Amy Winehouse, you can Google that yourselves. This is about my love for Ms.Winehouse and what I think ultimately hurt her in the end. I am a fan and I do not mean to offend those who are directly connected to her. RIP AMY JADE WINEHOUSE. I pray God gives you the healing and peacefulness your soul so desperately craves. You are truly missed, but never forgotten.

I had to write about the recent death of singer and songwriter, Amy Winehouse. Amy Winehouse died on Saturday, July 23, 2011. I first heard of Amy's death on the E! Channel. I was deeply saddened.

When I first heard of Amy Winehouse, I was not even a fan. I saw the video for her 1st single, Rehab, off her successful 2nd album, Back to Black. I was not impressed at all. Initially, I thought the famous Winehouse was over rated and another white girl trying to sound black. However, she won me over. One day, I started to "Youtube" her. I listened to her live performances, and I started listening to her 1st album, Frank. I fell in love with her talent and her charisma. She was SO cool. The way she sang, how she sang it, and the style she had on stage was just so different. She had the essence of a lady, a rock star, and a rebel all at the same time. She seemed to be so humble yet confident in her artistry. She sang so effortlessly. With the current singers in the music industry, you can tell their struggling to get a note out. Singing does not come natural to them. I won't say names. But with Amy Winehouse, she sang as if she was bored. She sang so naturally. No weird faces, no over the top vocal runs, she just sang. That voice of hers is what I loved the most. Her voice is so amazing. I describe her voice as a "deep, rich, velvet chocolate". Stunning. I loved the fact that she actually wrote the lyrics to her songs. Some singers say they write their own music, however, most don't. She truly had a talent for writing deep, clever, and funny lyrics. I also loved Amy for being Amy. She was one of the 1st celebrities, I had ever seen wear the same outfit more than twice. She didn't care. She was real. A real human being.

She was so human that I don't think she realized her own beauty and brilliance. When I watch interviews of her, she seemed so nonchalant about being who she was. It seems as if she really didn't want all the attention. She was highly gifted, but I don't think she ever knew. Also, I think that Amy was very sensitive. Never really felt understood or fit in. There was always sadness in her eyes that I can put my finger on. I feel she needed love.

Love killed Amy Winehouse. Heartbreak and pain. I believe she did do drugs and she became addicted. Badly addicted. But that's only the result of the pain she was feeling. She said numerous times on many different interviews that Back to Black was inspired and the songs were written about her breakup with Black Fielder Civil. This was before they were married. Amy was completely devoted to him. And as a fan, after her death, I have watched all her performances on YouTube. When she first came onto the scene she was fresh faced, very attractive, thick and healthy, no tattoos, and no beehive. As time progressed and the relationship with Blake spiraled out of control; she added the tattoos, skinnier frame, erratic behavior, failed rehab attempts, and drunken performances to her new identity. Most of all her performances, she is talking to him and singing for him. Missing him, craving him. Her Grammy performance was dedicated to him. Surely amazing art had come out of her pain and love towards Blake, but ultimately, it hurt her. Blake introduced her to class A drugs. Do I think Blake is to blame for her death? No. I do believe he loved her, but their love was obsessive, toxic, painful, and dangerous. Sometimes, when a woman is completely devoted to her man, she will do anything to be like him and keep him interested. Self destructive behavior is not a one person thing. Negativity is transferred. With both in love with each other and addicted to drugs, it was a toxic relationship. They separated many times. Currently, at the end of her life and at the time of her death, Blake is in jail and has a girlfriend with child. Amy moved on to Reg Travis, but she still loved Blake. They were still talking. As much as she loved that man, there is no way she was completely over him. One of my favorite songs she ever wrote was, Some Unholy War. In the song she says, "If my man was fightin', some unholy war, I would be behind him." That's love. I believe the heartbreak of Blake and Amy's relationship not working out, the world cutting her with judgment, and the addiction to drugs killed her. Love is a powerful thing. Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston, and many other women are a reminder to all women. When you make a man your world, your livelihood, you will be destroyed. When a mortal man is your God, you are setting yourself up for misery and failure. There's only one God. And the man you're in love with is not it. With Amy, it got the best of her. After all, love is a drug within itself.